October 30, 2015
Finances prove to be one of the hottest of hot button issues for couples because money, like many other items, reveal a great deal through a subconscious vector about an individual’s beliefs and needs.
Couples sometimes are unaware of what their fighting about when money comes into the picture. Being aware of potential pitfalls and finding the correct ways to address them gives couples the ammunition they require to come out the other side stronger and better prepared for the future.
By their definition, couples faced with areas of concern need to spot them before they engulf their vision. While possible to slog through a deep puddling, it is always much easier to walk around it remaining dry. The best way to redirect is through seeing the obstacle approaching from the horizon. Let’s look at some concerning areas.
Values: Individuals may value money differently. Often this comes from the example set at home when they were growing up. The strange thing is a full disclosure of the past will not indicate where those values lie.
For instance, someone growing up with a great deal of financial security may cause them to devalue or overvalue money. The same can be said when someone grows up with very little money. This sort of conversation requires couples to dig into more than the financial setting they desire.
Fighting: With the varied values, a fight about money causes deeper emotions to be stirred. If a person feels their being judged for decisions they make with money, this could cause them to lash out. Couples need to accept the person for where they are, seek to understand one another and minimize the tendency to shame the other person.
Familiar Patterns: Growing up, certain pattern will have been established. Couples who saw their father keeping a strong eye on the finances may see their role in relation to the history.
This becomes challenging when one or the other excels at an area where they expect the other to take the lead. Couples need to avoid doing what is expected because it places their financial security and relationship at risk.
Excelling Beyond the Pitfalls
Couples possess keys to succeeding with their finances. None are more important their unity and communication. By discussing the problems at hand, couples can combat the financial problems they face.
* Connected Finances: Though frightening, couples who meld their finances into a single account stand a better chance of succeeding.
* Debt: There is no their debt or your debt. There is only debt. Couples need to attack the debt as a unit to be free of it sooner and possess a common goal.
* Budgets: Both partners spend, so both partners need to have a hand in budgeting. This prevents confusion or possible fights about perceived overspending by one partner or the other.
* Invest: While planning for the future, this includes investing. One may do the research and take the lead, but this is not a one person show because both lives are tied to what happens with the investments.
* Secret Free: Not hiding spending from the other person is important. These types of secrets, though appearing harmless on the surface, undermine the financial trust and places the relationship at risk.
Couples heading into the future with open eyes and strong partnership stand the best chance of surviving. Attacking finances as two independent contractors leads to greater strife.
Talking about the things they face and remaining unified in the face of all tendencies to the contrary ends up being the best course. Be strong and talk. The result will be happier and more stable home.